


Honey, We Shrunk the Elves

by stardustinoureyes



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi, childcare au, children au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-07-26 13:18:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7575415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustinoureyes/pseuds/stardustinoureyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Feywild and Keyleth are not friends. And now Percy, Grog and Scanlan have three screaming 5-year-old half-elves to look after. Whoops.<br/>All relationships are pretty much implied/not acted upon cause children.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Feywild is NOT a Friend

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Childcare](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4163019) by [fangs_for_the_memories](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangs_for_the_memories/pseuds/fangs_for_the_memories). 



> I make no promises about how long this is going to be. Also, it is completely inspired by @fangs_for_the_memories' Carmilla Childcare AU. Which is great.

Keyleth and nature were friends. Heck, she regularly had conversations with a tree any they called each other “Boo.” So yes, she and nature got along perfectly fine, at least they did on the Prime Material plain. In the Feywild, however, the plants had rules that Keyleth didn’t know, and she kept on breaking them. Like for instance now, when she tripped over a mushroom that started spraying thick, purple fumes. She did her best to get out of the way, only to end up hitting someone behind her, knocking them both to the ground.

The purple fog burned her eyes and throat and nose. She couldn’t tell which was was up or down, let alone where the other members of her party were. She could hear at least two of them though, just beyond the haze of the fog, coughing alongside her. When the area finally cleared she could see two piles of cloaks that she immediately recognized as Vex and Vax’s. She scrambled to her feet and started to move towards them, that is, until her foot got stuck in her skirt and she fell face-first to the forest floor.

“What the-“ she started, looking down to her skirt. The flowing green fabric which usually reached to her knees dragged on the ground now. Immediately she looked at her hands. Sure enough, where once were long, lithe fingers, now were the short and chubby fingers of a child. Her voice was slide pitched higher than normal.

Before she could start to worry about it, though, groans came from the piles next to her. One small half-elven head popped up, followed quickly by another. The three small children stared at each other for a moment before simultaneously screaming.

“Keyleth! What did you do,” Vex yelled, her Syngorn accent replaced with a slight speech impediment. “Oh no,” she exclaimed,” clapping her hands over her mouth.

Vax looked at her and started laughing. “I forgot your little speech problem,” he teased, lacking his Syngorn accent as well.

“You shut up! It’s not a pwobwem,” Vex shouted, bouncing a little in her rage.

Keyleth just sat on the ground and started crying. The twins looked over at her.

They stopped fighting long enough to turn and look at her. “Keyleth, what’s wrong,” Vex asked, struggling to stand up in the massive pile of cloak around her.

“It’s all my fault,” the tiny red-head tried to explain between sobs. “I’ve been messing up at every turn since we got here.”

Vax stood up. “Well, you’re not wrong,” he began, balking only after his sister glared at him. “ I mean, yes, you’ve been messing up, Kiki. But the rest of us mess up all the time too,” he said, trying to recover, one of his tiny hands in his now light brown hair. He looked back to Vex for encouragement.

“Yeah!” she pipped up. “Do you remember when this one kept putting his life in danger? The Briarwoods, the whole time we were in Whitestone, having Scanlan dimension door them into the stomach of a dragon…” she listed.

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t turn this into a rag on Vax time.”

Keyleth giggled at the two of them, before sniffling a little. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Vex beamed. “Of course I am, I’m a Baroness now.” An awkward silence hung over them as they sat just taking in the woods. “So, I wonder where Grog and Scanlan and Percy are.”

Three small heads scanned the around around them. As if sensing their growing fear, the trees seemed to lean in, the sky darkened and a flock of birds breaking the canopy caused them all to jump.

“Should we go look for them?” Vex asked, his voice barely above a whisper, as he inched closer to the girls. He took a dagger out of his belt, which had shrunk in size, as most of their enchanted armors did. The dagger however, had not shrunk, and was now nearly the size of a short sword in his miniaturized form. Vex shivered and pooled the two cloaks around them.

“I’m scared,” Keyleth whispered.

A loud groan of trees and snaps of twigs behind them cause the group to jump. They turned in unison as Vex pulled another dagger from her brother’s belt. Her bow and quiver lay next to them, useless since she was now as tall as the arrows. Keyleth cowered behind them as the sound grew louder.

A large man with blue-grey skin covered in intricate tattoos burst through the trees. A small gnomish man with dark brown hair sat on his shoulders, and a human behind them in a dark navy coat and a bird-shaped mask.

Vex immediately dropped the dagger and ran towards her friends, tears streaming down her face.

 


	2. Observations

Percy looked down at the tiny half-elven girl crying, and pulled off his mask. He scooped her up to him, and cooed into her hair softly. “Shh, Vex, shh, it’ll be okay.” On the ground, Vax and Keyelth were now crying too, mostly just happy to be found.

Scanlan jumped off Grog’s shoulders and started conjuring the door to his mansion. They gathered in the Great Hall after storing extra clothes and weapons that no longer fit with tiny bodies in the bag of holding.

“Scanlan,” Keyleth began, her stomach grumbling. “Can your servants make us some food that’s not chicken?”

“Yeah,” Vex sniffled from Percy’s arms. “Like cake or cookies?”

“How can you think of food in a time like this?” the bard asked. “I mean, you’re as tall as I am!”

Vax shrugged, “I’m a growing boy and they girls have had a rough day…” As if on cue, Vex sniffled once more.

Scanlan rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah,” he said, walking towards the kitchen. “Only because I can’t get over how adorable Vex’s new voice is.”

She stuck her tongue out in response, as Percival put her down with the other two and observed them closely. “So, how old are you all?”

“27,” the twins answered simultaneously.

“I don’t think you’re quite that old anymore,” Percy said.

Vex shrugged. “I know, but I don’t like to think about it,” she huffed. “Judging by my horrible R’s-“ she stopped. “I mean my awful speech, less than 7.”

Keyleth looked at them, a serious expression on her face. “I think I’m this many,” she said, holding up a single hand.

“That feels right,” Vax agreed. “Oh! Oh! Oh! And,” he started to pull one of the legs of his pants up, “when we were 6 I fell off the roof and got a really bad scar on my knee and” he revealed the spot, which was clear of any signs of scarring.

“So, 5 years old,” Percy concluded. “We need to figure out how this has affected your capabilities. Obviously you have memories of the past 22 years, but you two now lack your accents.”

The twins nodded, each of them trying really hard to stay in the moment and not get distracted. Keyleth, on the other hand just shrugged. “Yeah, or I could just get rid of it,” she suggested. She put her hand to her chest and cast a Greater Restoration spell - or she attempted to. Her brow furrowed and she tried again, still with no affect. It wasn’t that the spell wasn’t working, it was that she wasn’t able to cast the spell at all.

A small wave of panic flooded over her. ‘Vex! Vex! Can you cast any magic?”

Vex shrugged. “I dunno, let’s see,” she said, pointing at Percival and attempting to cast Hunter’s Mark on him. Much like Keyleth, her attempt yielded no results.

“So, no magic,” Percy said, the wheels in his head turning.

At that point Keyleth lost all control of herself, and suddenly, the group was looking at a tiny white saber tooth tiger.

“Minxie!” Vex squealed, rushing over to cuddle Keyleth’s kitten form.

Percy rubbed his eyes. “Focus, you two,” he said to the girls. “Now we know Keyleth can still beast shape. Can you get rid of it?”

The small tiger shook her head.

“I didn’t think so.” He turned to look at Vax and Vex, I’d like to see what abilities you two still possess, which means Vex needs a bow.”

“I know how to make one,” she said, still petting Keyleth’s head.

“Okay, but like. You’re all so small,” Grog finally said, still obviously confused by the situation. “How can you do anything?”

“Good point. Vex, you walk me through how to make a bow and I can help make one for you, in the meantime, Grog, you take Vax into the training room and do some target practice.”

Grog laughed. “Can I be the target.”

Vex grinned. “Of course you can, buddy,” he said, already attempting to scale the Goliath.

It didn’t take long for Vex to locate a good sapling to make into a functional bow. It wasn’t nearly as pretty or as powerful as the bows she was used to, but it would shoot straight, and that’s all that mattered. It took a bit longer for Percy to carefully extract a few feathers and arrowheads from the old arrows, but by the time dinner was ready, Vex had a decent supply ready to try.

“So Vax can throw the dagger,” Grog tried to explain, “but like, it doesn’t go very far and he’s not very good.”

Vex pouted. “Yeah, well, I can still sneak around.” To prove his point, Vax held up a black dragon scale.

Grog’s eyes widened. “Whoa, cool.”

Percy nodded. “Vex, when did you learn how to pick pockets?”

The small rogue shrugged. “I just kinda always knew. It kept me and Vex fed sometimes.”

Keyleth nodded. “Yeah, and all Ashari can beast shape when they’re kids but they can’t control it!”

“It sounds like you have essentially the same skills and abilities you had when you were 5,” Scanlan observed.

Vex’s brow furrowed and she looked down at her plate. “Well, then don’t expect me to be able to shoot very well. I didn’t start learning until we where in Syngorn.”

“Let’s try it,” Percy suggested, holding up a small chicken.

Vex giggled and attempted the shot. Much like Vax, her aim was fine, but she struggled to pull the string back and keep the bow steady.

“It’s settled then, you’ve kept your mental abilities, but not your physical ones, since spell casting comes from within you, it makes sense that you’re not able to access it.”

Vex picked up a cookie, with surprisingly no chicken in it, and started munching on it as she bounced up and down in her seat. “So what’s the plan now?”

Percy ran his hand through his hair. “Well, the way I see it, we have a few options. We could put Keyleth in your bear stone, Vex, and one of us could gate-stone out to Pike,” he started.

“If the gate stones work between the planes,” Scanlan pointed out.

“Right,” Percy agreed, nodding. “And then, to be fair, we aren’t even sure if Pike can fix it. But, I’m sure someone in Whitestone will be able to take us back between the plains.”

“Ok, but as strong as I am, I’m also not sure how good it would be to lose one of our capable fighters,” Grog said. “What’s plan c?”

“Yes, well, plan B,” Percy began, emphasizing the letter, “is just to continue on with what we’re doing, and hope the spell wears off. We could grab the bow, and head back to Syngorn. If it hasn’t worn off by then they might be able to help, at least to get us back to the Material plane.”

“I dunno,” Vax said, talking through a mouthful of sweets. “I think we should at least try the first one.”

Keyleth nodded. “Someone over there should be able to help us get back if I can’t, and if it doesn’t work, we’re going to need extra hands to get the bow, or to get back. Plus,” she said, looking down to her skirt, “I really hate tripping over my own skirts all the time.”

 

 


End file.
